Post performance thoughts

It’s the early hours of Saturday 4th May 2013. 24 hours of performing in the library. 30 hours of no sleeping (other than a 10 minute nap). My head feels as if it’s pulsing, and about twice in size. I’m so tired but wide awake at the same time. I feel as if I already miss the sound of the typewriter, and I miss but dislike the library at the same time. I have so many mixed emotions and my head still feels like it is spinning. Jokes that aren’t normally funny are suddenly out of this world “what did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath you idiot, breath”. Haha. I think I’m going to write this blog post in the same format or our book, as it reflects my mood that everything I’m thinking is an endless train of thoughts and it wouldn’t make sense to have paragraphs and sense within this post. I feel as if I’ve gone through all the stages, first was tiredness, then there was boredom, after that I felt like I hated what I was doing and wondering why I agreed to this, then admittedly I think I went a little bit crazy and then finally it was the last stroke until the end. It was almost over, but we weren’t quite there yet. In the first stage all I wanted to do was sleep, but I was too scared to as I thought that I wouldn’t wake up and the whole performance would be ruined. It was dark in the room that we had booked out for our breaks. All I kept doing was watching the drunks coming home from their nights out and listening to upbeat music. After this had finished, there was hardly anyone in the library or outside so it became boring. I was just waiting for the first lot of people to arrive. I wanted the interesting stuff to start. I wanted to find out last nights gossip. Already what is a little bit worrying is the conversation within the library about incomplete dissertations, the day before the headline. Well how can I explain the hate? It was more of a hate towards myself for agreeing to do something like this. As I watched the other groups entering the library getting ready to set up at 7:30am all I wanted was to be in another group. At this point Casey had been feeling ill for about 5 hours and it was getting worrying, wondering how long she was going to last. The craziness, this lasted for quite a bit of today or should I say yesterday. I suddenly became hyper and excited, full with energy. I didn’t want to stop moving and if it wasn’t moving then it was typing. I was also finding the strangest things funny, and started to not care what the other people in the library thought of me. Then I had a down fall, when walking around a pair of people weren’t happy with me listening in on their conversation and the girl turned around and stuck her middle finger up at me. At this point my mood dropped straight down, and I didn’t want to be doing this anymore. I didn’t want to upset or annoy people and with all my emotions running wild as it is, it really got me down. Coming to the end of the performance I was glad, just the thought of having a lovely hot bath was on my mind. But I can’t help think about how well we’ve come together as a group, helping each other out. Nothing any of us did was just for ourselves but for each other. Our friends as grown so much within the space of 24 hours, when thinking about it 24 hours is nothing compared to the years we’ve been living. But within that small space of time we became closer than most of my old friends that I have known for years. It was interesting seeing how big loud personalities would stop speaking as we would come near to them. Thinking that they would carry on speaking and not even notice that we were there, suddenly these people became very shy. After finishing the piece I strangely didn’t want to leave the library. I was sick and tired of the place but all I could think was “well what am I going to do now”. We’ve finished our task, so what is there for me to do at home… nothing?

 

This document will stay unedited as it is exactly how I felt after the piece was finished. It is what it is. Either love it or hate. Just respect and appreciate it for what it is.

Posted: May 13th, 2013
Categories: Babel: Lost Words
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